i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Houston, we have a squirter
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
