Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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