just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
