just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
