That's when you crack a 10am beer
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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