woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
