i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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