I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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