I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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