Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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