I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
