I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
