If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
