Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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