So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
