He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize