the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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