Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
tonight lets celebrate not being married
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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