At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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