Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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