I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
