I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize