I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
