I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
