a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize