so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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