my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize