she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
