6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
