my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
