dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
