Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
