I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize