i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
