i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
