I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
