I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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