She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
