she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
