WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
