I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize