i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
