my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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