what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
