i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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