new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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