I must be too annoying 4 u.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
