apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
