dude i'm inner monologue high
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
