He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
