So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
