His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize