Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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