Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
