pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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