i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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