Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
