Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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