New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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