He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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