3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
