I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize
