Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
