This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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