My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
