True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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