if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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