It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
