"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
