Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
