if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
